you probably think this is about you. don't you?

August 16, 2011.

Knew there was something about this day from the start but I wasn’t quite sure if it’d end up bad or good. And bless the Gods for allowing me to experience the latter. But I only realized all of this when I got home. 

First of all, I most probably passed my SEA test without studying. hehe

Secondly, I got to spend my entire afternoon with 2 of my best friends + had really meaningful conversations with them too!

and third, I got in to a conversation (that I will never ever forget) with one of my oldest guy (I can now call him a man LOL) friends.
Let me share it:

M: What happened ba to the two of you?
I: blablabla… so I found out she was lying and there really was something going on between them two months after we broke up blablabla….

M: aw fuck.. but are you over her? or is there another girl?
I: Yeah, I’m over her and no, no other girl. I’m not really in a rush, eh. Like, I don’t even want to hook up with anyone. I mean, I don’t think a breakup should change who you really are anyway. 
M: wow, srsly?! I dint think there were even still guys who thought this way..

—

and when I got home he texted,

I: You know, I just realized that we could’ve eaten first so our conversation would’ve been longer
M: Onga eh. haha let’s continue our conversation again sometime! hahaha! pero shet saludo ako sayo. you’re a guy pa naman!
I: Yeah, that would be nice. :) we’ll obviously bump into each other somewhere anyway. hahaha. what’s that supposed to mean? thank you though. hahaha
M: You should get it!!! hahah. usually guys would be in a rush. haha. It’s nice knowing there are still guys like you. HAHA possible pala yooon.
I: Yeah, I get what you mean. hahahha. but there are a lot of guys like this out there. I’ll take that as a compliment though. So thank you :)But seriously, if you just rush in to things, you’re practically letting yourself get fucked up all over again. 

AND (this actually made me sad, but it was part of my day so I’ll put it anyway) :

N: I missed you! I’m sorry!
N: I know I shouldn’t have said that. hahaha
M: It’s fine. missed you too!
N: Wanna hang tomorrow?
N: Can I ask you something?
M: Yeah? What is it?
N: Do you love him already? 
M: No. Honestly? I’m too scared to love again. HAHA. pota drama ah!
N: Haha. Honestly, I can’t na rin. Cause I feel like it’s always gonna be you. And I know it might be just me who feels that way but I’ve been keeping it to myself for so long and I just want you to know 

I really wish all this happened way back but it didn’t and there must be a reason for it. I do miss him though, but not in that way. And after everything that has happened to me, I really stopped believing in that “forever and always” kinda thing. 

 —

Being in such a cruel world, it makes me feel so good knowing there are still actually a few good people/friends that you can count on. Made me forget about how confused I’ve been feeling for a while, too.

—

and this made me realize how I actually have(or maybe had) good taste in guys bahahahaha!!!! none of them are shallow, it makes me so happy!!!!

not really the best feeling in the world, knowing your happiness can be taken away from you in a snap.

knowing this hinders me from fully enjoying how happy I actually am. 

….life’s a bitch

I really wish you’d allow me to break it off already. I can’t stand hurting you.

I’m scared, I might fuck this up.

Yesterday, I had an amazing time, doing my favorite thing, with an amazing guy.

What a good way to start 2011, I’ve never been this happy in THE LONGEST TIME. You know the feeling of being genuinely happy? Yeah, that kind of happiness. 

I guess I didn’t know myself well enough.*EDIT*

nothing good happens after 2:00 am

I cringe with the thought of people throwing punches at you. I cringe with the thought of your face swelling up. I cringe with the thought of blood dripping down from your nostrils and face. I cringe with the thought of you in pain.
You don’t know how happy I am knowing you’re safe now, knowing that you’ll be okay. Please stop saying you’re ugly, cause that’s something you will never be. And that will never stop me from wanting to see you. You see, I need to be assured that you really are fine. And just like I said, I do not have bffs that are ugly HAHAHA. 

It always fascinates me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing.

It’s crazy how time flies so fast.

I remember myself. I remember how this time last year, I saw the world differently. I had planned it out differently as well. I remember how I was so sure of where I wanted to be and how I wanted things to go. but as they say, things don’t always work out the way you want them to.

I remember you. I was so sure of you, I was so sure that after all those fights, we’d get through it together. Or at least I was trying to convince myself that. I remember crying myself to sleep most nights while you were thinking everything was okay. I remember that fight, when you dropped me off. That night I was crying alone in church, while you were rushing home to sleep. I remember everything clearly. 

I remember us. I remember Christmas shopping together, for each other and for your family. I remember you spending Christmas with me and my family. I remember New year, I remember us fighting again. I remember you telling me you couldn’t start the year without me. 

And then I remember… us falling apart and blaming each other for it. When in reality, there was no one to blame. It just wasn’t our time, I guess.

Now we are nothing but mere friends, with different plans. And yes, it is just another wasted love story. but at least we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be this time.

the troops

we have the weirdest, most twisted friendship ever. only we will ever understand each other.